The Death of Rita Skeeter
by Man Called True
Summary: You've thought about it, but I WROTE it. The most aggravating character in the series... well, if you don't know what happens, go home. Guest-starring Trentan Fallow, one of my characters. Please review, or I summon locusts!


The Death of Rita Skeeter

The Death of Rita Skeeter

By Evil Jason

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Harry Potter series or anything connected to it.Trentan Fallow, however, is my own invention.Rita Skeeter fans… stand up and be counted, because I don't know any.Still, if you are one, what are you doing here?Didn't you read the title?Anyway, let's move on.

It was an unexpected and quite exciting occurrence at Hogwarts School of Wizardry.A visitor from another dimension had arrived, one without any apparent magic.His name was Trentan Fallow, and he was an object of much discussion among the magical community: a Muggle who was actually able to see Hogwarts… and appeared to be completely immune to magic.

The visitor in question was currently living in an unidentified section of the school, although Professor Snape was complaining of a lingering smell of tobacco smoke in the dungeons.The only time Trentan was accessible was when he a) was wandering through the school, or b) when he was taking his meals in the cafeteria with the students.As he often threatened people who bothered him while he was eating, all interviews were conducted in the hallways while he was walking.

By the third day of his visit, Trentan had done interviews with multiple wizard radio stations, a group of fifth-years intent on using him as a research project, and a personal interview with Headmaster Dumbledore (not counting a heated argument with Argus Filch).The radio stations left with the normal parcel of information (little to none), the fifth-years walked away with an assignment guaranteed full marks, and Dumbledore became the only person in Reality to know the full truth about Trentan Fallow.

On the fourth day of Trentan Fallow's visit to Hogwarts School of Wizardry, Rita Skeeter accosted him in the hallway.How she got in is still an unanswered question, as Dumbledore had banned the press from the school.It is most likely that she snuck in as a beetle, her Animagus form.

"Mr. Fallow," she began, taking out her Quick-Notes Quill as she spoke, "I'm Rita Skeeter with the _Daily Prophet_.I understand that you are the first Muggle to ever visit Hogwarts.Tell me, what's it like being the only person in the building who cannot use magic?"It must be noted that Rita started off well, as Trentan hated it when strangers called him by his first name.However, she committed two cardinal sins: first by using the word "Muggle", and second, by bringing up his non-magical status in two consecutive sentences.

Trentan, understandably annoyed, responded, "No comment, and you can quote me on that."With that, he spun around and headed off.To his surprise, Rita Skeeter was still in his way, now asking, "I want to ask you, do you have any magical abilities whatsoever?"A third sin: she was asking a rhetorical question.

Trentan tried heading off in a new direction, but Ms. Skeeter was still in his way.Now very irritated, he spat out, "I no longer give interviews.Move it!"He crouched, jumped over Rita's head, and landed on the opposite side.During the jump, and as he recovered, his coat went askew, showing off the variety of guns he carried around.

Now Rita Skeeter was _very_ curious.Somewhat rudely (although courtesy was beyond her), she asked, "What are those things you're wearing?They look very Mugglish."

An idea formed in Trentan's head.Opening his coat fully, he pulled one of his pistols out of its holster, which was permanently attached to his pants.Showing it off, he began, "These are what Muggles call 'guns'.They are essentially long metal tubes, which fire a projectile at high speeds when the trigger…" He pointed it out."…Is pulled, thus igniting 'gunpowder' and causing a very small explosion which propels the projectile, which is referred to as a 'bullet'."

Now Rita was interested. Sucking on the feather end of her quill, she said, "I'd ask you to demonstrate how your 'gun' works, but since it's a Muggle item, it wouldn't work…"

Trentan actually laughed – half at the question and half because his plan was working."My guns are hardly Muggle items.I've had them all set up with some interesting magic options – one of my pistols shoots fire, for example.The gun I've got in my hands is what I call the Quickshot.It can fire anywhere between one to fifteen bullets, depending on how I set it."As he spoke, Trentan shifted his Quickshot into his right hand and showed off a dial on the side of the chamber, stealthily setting it to "fifteen bullets" and cocking the hammer as he did so.

Rita's eyes were very wide at this point."So they do work here?Interesting…" She had gotten the scoop of the year – Trentan had never brought up his guns in the radio interviews."So, could you please demonstrate what it looks like when a gun fires?"

"Of course!" Trentan said, raising his Quickshot to eye level and taking aim at Rita Skeeter's head."All I do is this…"

He pulled the trigger.It took a week of constant Scouring Charms to clean up the mess.


End file.
